Being an Introvert. . .
So a while ago, I decided to shift the focus of this blog a little bit and maybe get a little more personal. I wanted to share a little of what it means to me, to be an introverted blogger.
Being a fashion blogger and an introvert can be pretty intimidating. But to be honest, when I first started blogging, it wasn’t to be a fashion blogger (although fashion was always something I enjoyed). No, I started blogging because I was the shyest little bugger and I wanted some way to share my thoughts to the world. . .without actually sharing them.
Starting a blog (hello Livejournal to Blogger to WordPress) meant that I’d have an outlet to share all my thoughts. . .and since I didn’t share that I had a blog with any of my friends or family members, I was able to do it in an anonymous way.
As I got older and Instagram got more popular, I decided to slant my focus from personal blogging to fashion blogging. The only problem with that though is. . .well, you have to be seen to have success. And as a super introvert, being seen and acknowledged can be terrifying.
Whereas before, my blogging was all private (no photos) and only seen by random people on the Internet, with lifestyle/fashion blogging, my face would seen and I’d have to open up more. Which is no easy feat.
But I still did it.
What does being an introvert currently mean to me?
Well these days it means. . .
Going to an event is probably the most nerve wracking thing ever. Equivalent to a first/blind date. I almost want to stop at a bar and take a shot before I go to one. Having to interact with people I don’t know? Being the awkward turtle in the corner of the room, sipping my champagne? It’s my own personal hell. Some events that I go to don’t allow a plus one and those are the worst. Luckily, I’ve been able to meet a few other bloggers in NYC and we generally go to the same events, so if I see a familiar face, it helps. But there are still some events that I go to where I don’t know anyone and I feel so awkward I could die. I literally go, take the photos I need to take, and bounce.
Finding someone to photograph you, that you feel comfortable with, is so so so so hard. Initially, I had my boyfriend do my OOTD’s. But he complained so much that I started going out with another friend (shoutout to my best bae @coffeeslag) and we would take each other’s OOTD’s. Being the subject of a photograph is the most personal thing ever. You’ve got someone looking through their lenses, taking your photos, seeing all your imperfections. I’m nervous already, but I’m even more nervous in front of a camera. Finding a photographer you feel comfortable with is tough, and once you find them you stick with them.
If I manage to make it to an event and do the appropriate socializing, I am physically drained afterwards. Not because I didn’t have fun or hated my company, but mostly because social interaction (even with my close friends) can be super draining. Can I tell you my ideal introvert situation? Having all my friends over, all of us lazing about on my a giant couch, and everyone talks and I just lay back and relax. As an introvert, overly social situations can be draining. . .unless I drink a few glasses of wine first.
RBF : Resting Bitch Face
Well, this isn’t solely introvert related but it does make it harder for me to make friends. I’ve come to realize that I have RBF. When just standing, taking sips of my wine, I’ve constantly been asked if I was okay or if I was mad. My own mother tells me, “Nicole, you look so unapproachable. You look stuck up”. Thanks Mom, but she speaks the truth. The majority of my best friends (if not all of them) have all said that I looked really bitchy or that they thought I was a bitch when they first met me, “BUT OMG I KNOW YOU’RE NOT!”. Thanks friends, but they speak the truth.
I do try to make my face look super approachable (but how, do I just smile maniacally the whole time? That’s just creepy!) during events and I go out of my way to be super, sickly sweet because I really don’t want my fellow bloggers and possible future collaborators to think that I’m just a knarly bitch. But really, it’s just my RBF.
Sometimes I feel like a complete narcissist. Going from someone who hates to show her face and whose private Instagram used to be just photos of her cat and her food, taking blogger OOTD shots and highlighting any imperfections I might be scared of or embarrassed of is a huge leap. It took almost two years of waffling for me to do this. To allow myself to possibly be the subject of ridicule among strangers, or even my friends. Even these days, I’m still super shy about taking photos in front of other people or being noticed. Sometimes I think of how this is going to translate later, if I continue to do this whole blog thing and I have to kind of give myself a little mental high five; like, YOU CAN DO THIS NICOLE, KEEP ON GOING.
So what does this all mean to me?
Well, like I said, I started blogging as a way to unleash my creative side and to have an outlet to share my thoughts. That has since evolved the last few months. I’ve decided to use it as a kind of springboard to become more. . .social. To not be so scared to introduce myself to other people or to speak up. If I force myself to go to events (you don’t know how many events I chickened out of halfway and just went home to watch TV in my pajamas), if I go out and meet other bloggers and go to brunches or dinners, maybe it’ll help that social anxiety and I’ll become less of an introvert and slowly become more extroverted.
So there you go. I’ve possibly shared the most I’ve ever shared before in a blog post and I hope that this mini novel hasn’t turned you off. And that if you’re an introvert, you’ll share your stories in the comments. And I’ll keep on sharing my own stories and getting myself out of my own little shell.
FYI: These photos were taken by Ingrid Hong, who was amazing to work with.
For my readers
Do you identify as more of an introvert or more of an extrovert? And how do you think that affects your blogging (if you blog)?